It's been 27 days since I first deactivated my Facebook account. And honestly they have flown by. 

Let me preface all of this by saying a few things: I have had to reactivate my account for some non-social reasons. Reactivation happened for the express purposes of helping my husband with job-search related queries to potential employers, and these days even they use Facebook as a primary means of communication. Thus the reactivation while we are waiting for some responses. 

Having my account technically open, but keeping it mentally closed for social-networking purposes, has presented some challenges. I log on to "just check" for responses but find myself browsing the top few posts of my news feed. I've also had a few random people try to chat with me and post things on my profile...and as I don't like to be rude, well...what can ya do right? 

I've also found a way to keep my blog's Facebook page open under a secondary profile and have posted a few updates and pictures on there. (I'm trying very hard to limit myself to a one-post-a-day rule.)

So, in all honesty, I have not been 100% successful. 

But, wow...I'm amazed at how different things look there in Facebook-world looking as though I were an "outsider" looking into the club. At first it was so weird...hard even. I mentioned in a previous post that I had doubts as to whether or not this was the right choice for me. At first, seeing Facebook friends IRL ("in real life") was so awkward. I mean, I don't have a clue what's going on in there life! And they don't know what's going on in mine! I felt like I was at a loss as to what to say to them! But, over time, I have found that while the frequency and quantity of my "social" interactions has diminished, the quality of those interactions has increased. For example, instead of a quick Facebook post to a friend about meeting for coffee the following day, we shared a five minute phonecall that extended to discussions about our parenting frustrations and how we deal with them. 

I've realized a few things about myself. One being that I am definitely a Facebook "postaholic." And while at first I went through a sort of withdrawal where I was still thinking in status updates and then remembering, "oh wait...I'm not on Facebook," now, I'm really enjoying this newfound measure of privacy that exists from NOT posting every little detail of my life on Facebook. I'm enjoying the fact that the network of 300 some-odd people is no longer hearing about what I'm eating for dinner, where I'm shopping, and how many hours my kid slept last night. Now I'm living my life simply to live it...not for the benefit, opinion, and comments of others.

"But, Aprille, come on...it's really your own fault...I mean, you were the one who chose to post all of that stuff!" True that. Which begs the question in my mind...WHY? Why did I post all of that stuff? What was my motivation? 

(Do I really have to answer that? No, please don't make me say it...)



I logged in the other day to check something quickly and I browsed the first few posts in my feed. Several of them were heated discussions about something some-odd politician or someone had said about stay-at-home-moms. I had no idea what people were talking about and quite honestly, I didn't care. There were a few other random posts, most of which were people "venting" about problems in their lives. Within five minutes the only thought I had was "wow...I don't miss this at all!!!" I had been having a perfectly peaceful day minding my own business and suddenly I was thrown into this vortex of distress and drama. 

The truth is that my life is much more peaceful without having to log in and scroll through the details of 300 other people's lives. I have had more time to cook, take care of my home, and spend time with my family. Being off has shown me how much time I spent and wasted on Facebook when I could have been doing more productive things.

Me 1: So, you can still have Facebook, but you just don't have to read through your entire news feed every day.

Me 2: Um, then what's the point? If I am going to say I am "friends" with someone, shouldn't I keep up with their posts? 

Me 1: But that's draining you!!! You don't have the time for all of that. 

Me 3: So just unfriend people and just keep up with family and close friends! 

Me 2: But then people will get mad at me, or hurt because they think I don't like them!

Me 3: Well, they can just get over it!   

Me 2: Well, that's rude and selfish...why not just get rid of facebook completely!

Me 1: But what about my family? It's the easiest way to share photos and videos? And what about your extended family? and your aunt and friends struggling with cancer? And your military sisters needing encouragement? Not everyone has a blog you can follow! Is not having a Facebook account equivalent to shutting people out of your life who really care about you?
 
 
This is the dialog running through my head on a daily basis. Part of me wants to walk away and shut the door on this chapter of my life completely. Part of me wants to just scale down my friends list to the 50 people I feel closest to and keep my blog for everyone else, but then isn't that rude and selfish to ask people to keep up my life when I'm not willing to keep up with theirs? (...and there I go again trying to please people.)

I'm writing this not for people to give me answers or solutions. I don't think that anyone else can really help me with this decision. I wrote this more to sort out my thoughts than anything. I'm the only one that can know how to go forward keeping God and my family first and maintaing a balance. 

A friend of mine told me that Facebook isn't bad, and asked why I can't just keep a Facebook profile and stay balanced and keep a right motivation. Right now, I don't think I can do that, and until I can, I think I need to stay off. I do know this: If and when I do come back, things are going to be very different. I've come too far to go back to the way things were.

Please understand, this is my own personal decision and journey... I am not trying to make anyone feel bad or judged by this post. I don't think that all of this makes me somehow better than other people. I don't think that Facebook is some evil machine that shouldn't exist. This is simply the path that God has taken me on, and I'm going to keep following Him no matter what the consequences are or what people think of me. 

I don't have a "bucket list," but if I did have one, "attend a ball with Prince Charming" would definitely be on it.

So, when the 3rd opportunity in 5 years to attend a battalion ball came across the social calendar I could not let it go. We had passed up the last two for various reasons (the 2nd was held just after Ezra was born), and I didn't want to pass this one up as well, knowing it was likely the last opportunity we would have to go to a ball before Russ gets out of the military.

By at best a miracle of God or at least some odd happening of military fate, my husband has been stationed with the same unit and the same battalion in that unit for the last 4 1/2 years. That's pretty much an eternity in military time. We have all of the items from all the Blue Spader fundraisers (the tshirts, the afghan, the Christmas ornament...even a baby onesie!) This was OUR battalion...full of headaches and misery from two deployments and sorrow for the loss of our fallen soldiers...but it's a battalion we are both incredibly proud of. I have made a lot friendships during this past deployment with some amazing "military sisters" from the battalion. This made it all the more important to me that we go.

Russ didn't want to go, for some of the reasons we had not attended the last two. "I have to get my dress uniform crap together" and "It's just going to be a bunch of drinking and scantily clad women!" I know I know I know but I REALLY wanna go! Just to see what it's like!

I finally won him over with my pleas through a series of frustrating and stressful conversations. I found a dress at a consignment store that, with some slight alterations, fit my post-baby body rather well. The "uniform crap" got taken care of, after a bunch of stress and Russ getting very close to a panic attack. He still wasn't very excited about going, but, nonetheless, we went forward with our plans, bought tickets and found a babysitter.

Things got even more exciting as the ball fell on March 2, one of the worst days in tornado history for our area. The worst of the storms was supposed to hit around 4PM, and the ball festivities were scheduled to start around 5PM. To be safe, we dropped Ezra off at the sitter around 3, then came back to the house to get ready. We spent the next hour getting all "prettied up" while listening to tornado warning after tornado warning over the radio, watching Facebook friends freaking out about funnel cloud sitings, and taking pictures outside in the wind between breaks in the emergency sirens.

 
We arrived quite safely, only to find out that the ball was delayed by two hours (and actually, the rumor mill had put out that it was canceled...it was rather humorous to receive texts from friends "I heard that the ball was canceled" and having to reply "Um, no...I'm here!")

 
Here is an excerpt...
 

 

You look at that calendar, all those empty days, and wish for a way to make them go by faster. You miss your spouse more than anything, and feel so disconnected from him, especially on days when he’s unable to contact you at all. You don’t know when he’s coming home, just that it’s an eternity away.

I’ve faced this situation at the beginning of a deployment twice now – and survived. I’d like to share with you one of the things that helped those days go by faster and helped me feel more connected to my husband: my “Sweet Nothings, Sweet Memories” deployment countdown calendar. (I just came up with the super-sweet title tonight… before it was just known as “the calendar that takes up one whole wall in my house.”)

Click here to read the rest! http://www.singingthroughtherain.net/2012/04/deployment-idea-6-sweet-nothings-sweet-memories-countdown-calendar.html

Most people who know me well know that I rarely, if ever, use a recipe unless I am baking...and if I do I alter it to my own liking or what ingredients happen to be in my cupboard. I've gotten really good at making "throw a bunch of stuff in a pot" soup and casseroles. 

Tonight my mexican "throw a bunch of stuff in a pot" casserole turned out so yummy I had to right down the "recipe" to share! Russ said it was "almost perfect" which is about the highest compliment he's ever given me on a meal!

So here's the recipe:

• 4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts, cut into cubes, precooked in a pan (I sprinkled mine with garlic powder)
• fresh cilantro (I threw it in with the meat while it was cooking) 
• 1 15 oz jar of black beans
  
• 1 8 oz can diced green chiles
• 1 16 oz jar picante sauce (I didn't use the whole thing because I didn't drain the meat and I thought it would be too soupy but in hindsight I would use the whole thing!)
• 1 can cream of chicken soup
• 8 oz bag of "mexican style" cheeses (reserve half for the top)
• a few handfuls of crumbled tortilla chips (I ended up using about 3/4 of a bag, half in the casserole, half on top)

Mix all together. Top with the cheese and more crumbled tortilla chips, sprinkle with salt or Season-All

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes

(for me this made TWO 9X9 pans one of which I shared with some friends)


Russ said that it could use more beans and needs sour cream, fresh tomato, and lettuce for toppings. 
 

Now that I'm no longer on vacation I'm realizing it's a bit harder to stay off of Facebook. I'm feeling the urges and desires creeping back...the doubts that maybe this won't work for me.

Yesterday at the hospital I saw two of my Facebook friends. It was weird for me. I felt kind of disconnected from their lives, and I didn't know what to say. I wrote this down in a notebook I had with me:



That evening I got to email back and forth with a friend who has made a similar decision to mine a few months back. She was such an encouragement and helped me sort through these feelings and give me reassurance. 

Then this morning I went to a nearby garage sale...I was looking for 2 things in particular, neither of which they had. But this particular house had a plethora of gently-used educational materials. The seller was a first-grade teacher turned sixth-grade teacher and she was selling all of her teaching supplies! Had I had more in my wallet and a bigger bank account I would have bought it all and stored it for the future, but knew we couldn't afford to do that. But my mind raced to my local homeschooling friends. I reached for my phone, snapped a few photos, and...

Oh man! Why did I get rid of my Facebook account again? This is one of those PERFECT opportunities to actually HELP people with it. I could let all of my friends know about this amazing garage sale daggone it!!!!! 

It is in my nature to want to help people. I like to find things (online resources, websites, sales, garage sales) and share them with people I know that can use them. It's one of my strengths...and here I was at a loss to what to do.

But then I realized...well...I have a few people's phone numbers! Text text text SENT! and I got a text back, and then a phonecall from another. Two were going to check it out! Then I came home and sent off a few emails to some other people on my friends list. (Thanks to that 2 minutes the other  night that I reactivated my account just to sync my email address book with my Facebook account to get everyone's email addresses!)

I heard back from a few and at least two of the friends I contacted went to the sale and bought things for their children. It was a very little thing. I mean, just a garage sale, and one I at which I didn't even purchase anything. But being able to share that information with people, to see it benefit them, and to do this all privately without the use of Facebook...I mean what a NOVEL idea!!! It was just the reassurance I needed at the moment when I was feeling some doubts. 

God is not bound by time. Can He and has He used Facebook in my life to use me to help others? I believe absolutely so! But do I need Facebook to accomplish this? Can He work outside of this boundary I have placed on myself over the last 5 years... yes! God is bigger than Facebook.