It was just a little phrase stamped across the top of the jug of apple cider that I pulled out of the fridge - but it caught my attention.

"Enjoy" - who says that? I mean usually it says "Sell by" or "Use by." But "enjoy"?

And I stopped. And took a sip from the glass I had poured. And I enjoyed it. Really truly and thoroughly enjoyed it. 

But those words didn't just make me think about cider. I thought about my entire existence in the flash of about 30 seconds. I feel like I am reminded of this lesson at least once a month. I hear it in songs like "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chessney, "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker, and "Start Livin (That's the Next Thing On My List)" by Toby Keith. I'm reminded in blog posts (like the one I'm writing). And yet still I rush from one thing to the next, always looking forward to the NEXT thing. Christmas. The end of this deployment. The next baby. Ezra starting school. And so many times I just forget to simply ENJOY this life I'm living. 

Earlier today (before the glass of cider), I sat in the chair in my kitchen and just watched Ezra eat. Then later on in the afternoon I sat on the couch and watched him play. I wasn't checking my phone. I didn't get up when I heard the email notification "ding" from across the room. I simply sat...and enjoyed. And I thought to myself, "Why don't I do this more?" 

So I remind you, again... stop. Set down the phone and the computer. And the to do lists. And just ENJOY your life.

Because there's an expiration date. Life doesn't last forever. Your kids won't be babies for long. Your parents won't be in your life forever. Hold tight to the ones you love. And enjoy them.

And take a second and enjoy that cider too!

Meet Kayla...


The story of our friendship is very unique, and honestly makes me think that God has quite a sense of humor. Kayla and I went to the same Christian school growing up. But we were five years apart, so never interacted. At all. I vaguely remember hearing her name once or twice, and her same with me. She remembers my little brother, and I remember her inlaws as her brothers-in-law were closer to my age and that of my brothers. But that's it.

Here's us in 1998 - Kayla in first grade, me in sixth:



So here we were, me upstairs in junior high and highschool, her downstairs in grade school, never even passing in the hallways...never knowing what God had in store for us. And I think that probably on more than one occasion God looked down on us smiling with teary eyes, knowing the struggles that we would have to face on our own, the growing we would have to do...before HE could work in our lives to bring our friendship to pass.

Fast forward about 10 years to Fall of 2009... Kayla was a senior in high school engaged to a national-guard soldier going through basic training. I was married to my soldier-man having just PCSed to Kentucky after our first deployment. And enter Facebook. And we had a mutual friend (we think it was Julie), and I made a comment on her status, and Kayla saw my photo and saw that we went to the same school and that I was married to a soldier. So she sent me a friend request. And, since I am in the habit of accepting friend requests from complete strangers if they happen to look remotely decent and be associated with the military, our cyber-friendship began.

We talked off an on at a very surface Facebook level, commenting on statuses and photos and normal stuff like that. Occasionally, Kayla would instant message me to chat and see how my day was. Sometimes, I was busy, and just kinda found it annoying (lol SORRY KAYLA!), but other times it was nice to have a friend to talk to. This went on for about a year, and then Russ left for Afghanistan again.

And that's when things really started to change. Kayla's daily perky "hey how are you" chats became less of an annoyance and more of a welcome part of my day. In February or March I sent her a big box of all of my "skinny clothes" that I didn't fit into anymore. Which she was ECSTATIC to receive (and it made me so happy that they went to someone who would look amazingly cute in them.)

When April came around and I took my trip up to Ohio to visit my grandparents, we arranged to meet at Starbucks. I wasn't too nervous (as I am also in the habit of meeting random people for coffee if they look to be remotely decent and be associated with the military), but Kayla was nervous.

I was sitting in my car and I saw her walk into Starbucks. Honestly, I did a double take. Cuz she was wearing MY clothes and looked JUST LIKE ME! Well, the skinny pre-baby me that is...


Kayla contacted me sometime in late summer and asked if she could come for a visit. I responded that that would be fun. Then she asked me if she could come for 5 days. Which I was very nervous about. I wasn't sure if I would enjoy sharing my personal space with her for a whole 5 days, but I didn't want to be mean since she was so excited about it, so I said yes. (Turns out she was super nervous about it too, but her husband was encouraging to go have a good time with me and knew she needed a friend, cuz quite frankly, he is awesome like that.) So she booked her flights and started making plans.

Neither of us imagined what an amazing time we would have together. Our relationship was almost symbiotic in its beauty.

You see, as a National Guard spouse, Kayla is in a very unique situation. She deals with the daily stress of being a military wife, having to rearrange her schedule and drop everything to get her husband out the door on a mission, spending days or weeks away from her husband not knowing when he will return. But she has no commissary, no PX, no military wife functions, no PWOC, OFS, or FRG, and no military spouse friends other than her cyber-friends. All these things that I take for granted living near a military installation... Quite frankly, she gets very lonely, and understandably so. So, while she was here I was determined to give her a taste of what it's like to be a part of a strong military community and to be around a bunch of people who truly understand what her life is like.

Our schedule was extremely busy. Tuesday morning we were going to be busy practicing for prayer meeting praise team for PWOC...that is an amazing story! Nothing went as it normally does, because when we walked in to pray with our military sisters, the chapel was filled with soldiers working through a practice for a military memorial service for a fallen soldier that was going to be held later on in the week - a soldier from my husband's battalion. We ended up holding a prayer meeting for and over this memorial and the family of this fallen soldier. There were lots of tears! It was an amazing thing to experience. Practice got moved to a friends house, then we made a quick trip to the library on post for some chick flicks.

Wednesday morning was a playdate with some more military wives, and in the evening we went to the military wife Bible study I attend every week - which is another AMAZING story! This Bible study is an off-shoot of Operation Faithful Support, a non-religious pro-marriage program for spouses of deployed soldiers. (Check out the link, I promise you won't be disappointed!) But, as it's founder, Jill, is a very strong Christian, as are some of the women who attend OFS, she started a Wednesday night Bible study for us. It's been going for about 8 months but has remained small and intimate, but is growing slowly. When Kayla asked me how many people would be there, I told her, "I can promise you there won't be more than 10 people." But that night, we broke our record, and had 14!!!!!!!!!! I told her, "Ya know I should keep you around, cuz amazing things happen when you are here!"

Here's us with Jill.

Since Russ went back to Afghanistan, I've really been struggling. Struggling with what? Well, just everything. I think that 90% of the time I feel utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. There's a song that has a line that says something like "You can only be strong so long before you break..." Which is true. But I think that most of the time people don't realize that I'm not even trying to be strong - I stopped trying a LONG time ago. Mostly, I'm just trying to survive.

I have chronic fatigue, frequent insomnia, a very active and curious toddler who still wakes up almost at least once a night, and a deployed husband. 12 months is a long time. 12 months on top of 12 months on top of 12 months is a VERY long time. By the time we reach our 4th anniversary (5th anniversary of being a couple), we will have spent 3 years apart, 2 years together. Honestly, there is just no way to explain what a toll that has taken on my husband and I and our emotional and mental health.

I'm not trying to be all "poor me" or complain or get attention or anything like that. It's just a fact. Our life is hard. And I'm exhausted and really don't know how much more I can handle. Each day it's a struggle to keep the tears and check and keep enough of a fight in my spirit to get through another day without the love of my life by my side where he belongs. I just miss him like heck and just want him home. I'm just over it all.

I am very thankful for some amazing friends who really KNOW what my life is like and what I am going through. I have a great support network here at Knox and through the many online friends I have met during my time as a military wife. They rally around me daily and keep me going.

I get through each week by trying to balance staying busy (to keep Ezra occupied, keep us both from going stir crazy, and make the time go by quickly) and giving myself enough opportunity to rest and relax. Most mornings we are out - we have MOPS, Protestant Women of the Chapel aka PWOC (a military wife Bible study, worship, and fellowship time on post), PWOC music team practice, La Leche League meetings, playdates, and doctors and chiropractic appointments for Mom and baby. In the afternoons we try to rest, take naps, check Facebook, and Skype with Russ; and in the evenings we do housework, watch movies, go shopping, go out to Bible study on Wednesdays, and try to have fun together in the house.

Sometimes, Ezra is the one thing that keeps me going and surviving each day. When I feel like my emotions are unraveling and my world is spinning out of control he is right there to smile or laugh (or put socks and teddy bears in the cupboards or throw away my keys) and remind me to see the beauty in the world.

It was a cold and rainy Thursday, almost noon - we had just gotten home from PWOC, Ezra had been awake since 7:30 and only slept on the way home (all of 20 minutes). All I wanted was to put him down for a nap and try to rest myself. But when we got to the door of our house, he took off and started walking away. He wanted to go PLAY!

My first thought: "Are you serious kid? It's FREEZING out here!!!

But who could resist this face?


Ezra spent the next 10 minutes getting soaked romping around the big empty backyard, playing with leaves, and having a blast, while mommy managed to get some pretty awesome pictures with her phone.

Where have I been the last month? um...I'm not even really sure that I know! But, I'm going to attempt to remember enough to write this rather picture-heavy series of blog posts. I'm glad I take a lot of pictures, because without them I don't know if I would remember--it's been that crazy!

Shortly after Russ left to go back to Afghanistan, Ezra and I flew to Chicago to spend 10 days with my family again. Ezra managed to get sick - again - while we were there, but we had a great time. The weather was unseasonably beautiful (which meant a trip to goodwill to get warm-weather clothes because all the clothes I packed were for cold weather!) We did a lot of Fall activities.



Aside from all of the fall fun, we mostly just hung out with my parents relaxing, shopping, watching movies, taking walks to the park, and talking. The trip was amazingly fun, relaxing, and exhausting all at the same time. It sooooo was nice to not have to be constantly watching out for Ezra and get breaks and naps. But, with Ezra being sick and my parents living in Central time, on top of some deployment drama - neither of us slept quite as well as we would at home. By the time we braved the airport security lines and planes yet again to come home, I was very much ready to be home and back into our routine. But I'm still so glad we went!

Here's some more random pictures of our trip: