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Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:47:48 +0100

In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired. ~Author Unknown

The Back Story

For as long as I can remember, I have been plagued with many physical difficulties that have often interfered with my keeping up with a "normal" lifestyle. Constant exhaustion and fatigue, muscle pain, "irritable bowel syndrome" symptoms (especially after eating), sleep problems, headaches, problems with appetite (varying from constant hunger to being completely unable to eat), and anxiety--to name a few.

My mother (who has been clinically diagnosed with severe fibromyalgia) raised me with a good knowledge of how the body works, good nutrition, and has had me in chiropractic and kinesiological care since I was a child. She took me to many different doctors (both "mainstream" medical doctors, and naturopathic doctors) over the years for my different conditions, and always got different answers. In 2006 after going through a very stressful time in my life, a natural doctor ran some rather unconventional tests, told me that I had the body of a 50-year-old, put me on a strict diet and so many supplements I took more capsules than I could count in a day. I found this to be helpful, but hard to live with. After a year of gagging down supplements and feeling like I couldn't eat ANYTHING, I just decided I just couldn't do it anymore. I took the "I'm just going to enjoy my life and deal with feeling like crap" approach because I felt like it was either all or nothing.

I maintained a fairly healthy stress level over the next few years (long distance relationship, new marriage, miscarriage, deployment, reintegration), but my symptoms were fairly manageable if I got enough rest. I came to the conclusion (after working full-time for six months during my husband's first deployment), that I am physically unable to hold a job and remain sane, and I feel much better when I can be a stay-at-home wife.

In 2009, I started having a weird thing happen when I ate fresh fruit - my tongue would get tingly and my ears and throat would get itchy. I learned later that it's called Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS) which is related to pollen allergies and hayfever. (I'll come back to that later.)

When I got pregnant with Ezra, my health problems got worse. I gained 100 pounds within a year and a half, my IBS symptoms greatly increased, my pain level during pregnancy was high, couldn't seep well, and I became extremely lethargic because I was so uncomfortable. I figured that it was "just the pregnancy," and that I would return to my "normal" once Ezra was born. Ezra's birth and my recovery proved to be much more difficult than I expected. It took me about 4-8 weeks to begin to feel remotely normal, but my stress level was still high as I was managing a newborn on top of preparing for my husband's deployment to Afghanistan.

During the past year while my husband was gone my IBS symptoms got even worse than they were during pregnancy, and rare was the day I wouldn't end up running to the bathroom at some point. I began to notice trigger foods, like anything with tomato, blueberries, tuna--even french onion soup would make me sick! I was also struggling with sleep as Ezra still hasn't figured out how to sleep through the night consistently (at 17 months!), and was often waking up every 2 hours or so. I was exhausted and sick a lot, but would still get up at random hours to talk to my husband, or just stay up late because the time after Ezra went to bed was sometimes the only "me time" I got in the day. I was running on fumes, and coffee.

Progress and Answers

I was seeing a chiropractor and having massage therapy done on my neck (for headaches) every few weeks. In doing some research on digestion during the summer months, I was reminded of the importance of probiotics and I learned that abdominal massage can be helpful for digestive problems. The therapists at my chiropractors office were not trained in abdominal massage but he gave me the name of someone who could. Brenda is trained in massage and reflexology, but after looking over my medical history and my first treatment in August, she told me "I will continue to treat you, but you NEED to see a MEDICAL doctor for the problems that you are having. Your symptoms are consistent with Chron's disease."

Needless to say I was a little bit taken back. Here is a natural therapist telling me to see a medical doctor - I think I should! I saw my primary care medical practitioner and she ran a gamut of tests - tested me for Chrons, blood in the stool, took blood work to test for Celiac disease and bacterial infections, and scheduled a CT scan of the abdomen for the end of September. When all the results were in I was disheartened--medically there was absolutely nothing wrong with me!! While I was relieved to not have Chrons or Celiac, I still knew there was something more going on as my symptoms were getting worse. My PCM put in a referral to see a gastroenterologist.

(hold that thought we are coming back to it.)

Throughout the fall months, my seasonal/fall allergies were absolutely horrible. I had every allergy symptom in the book and was taking Benadryl and Claritin like it was candy, with little-to-no improvement. The ragweed started dying but my OAS symptoms were still there. And the weirdest thing of all is that I was starting to get OAS-like symptoms to foods other than fruits and vegetables! (Goldfish and cereal broke me out in a rash on my neck!)

When I saw the GI doctor in November, he told me that I just had "irritable bowel" and that the only other answer he could give me was to see an allergist. I really did NOT believe that I could have food allergies because with both the IBS and OAS symptoms my biggest question was this: Why doesn't it happen all of the time? Why can I eat these foods sometimes with no reaction and other times get a bad reaction? If I am allergic wouldn't I get sick every time?

I got in to see the allergist in mid-December. She did skin testing on my back for all of the environmental/airborne allergens, as well as a handful of the most-allergy-prone foods. My reaction was horrific. I had a "Christmas tree reaction" (as in bright red skin and HUGE bumps) to ALL (as in every single one) of the trees, grasses, and weeds. I also tested positive for allergies to wheat, soy, corn, tomato, and egg. I was pretty much in shock. I knew that allergies ran in my family but I never imagined that that was the problem.

Now what?

The recommended treatment for environmental allergens is allergy shots, which I will beginning this month. (It's a very extensive process requiring shots twice a week for 4-6 months). And for the food allergies I am on an elimination diet. Since working to eliminate food allergens I have seen about an 80% decrease in the IBS and OAS symptoms. And when I DO get sick or have a reaction I can almost always pinpoint something that I've eaten where an allergen slipped in unnoticed! I am amazed honestly.

Over the course of this process, in doing a lot of research into food sensitivities and digestive problems, I have become 100% convinced that this is further indication and proof that I suffer from fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, as there is a well-known link between the two. While I have not been officially diagnosed, the symptoms are all there as well as the family disposition.

All that being said, along with the elimination diet and allergy shots, I am working on lifestyle changes in an attempt to look and feel healthier. I've joined up at a local gym that has childcare in an attempt to be able to exercise more regularly. I can't do much, but I can do some (walking, elliptical, and some machines).

Most wheat-free products are by default organic, so I'm finding myself shopping in the organic section at Kroger more and more. I am finding this "diet" much easier to deal with than the one I followed in 2006. Because of the rise of Celiac and food-allergy awareness there is a much broader selection of wheat-free products available! (Breads, waffles, pastas, cookies, cake and baking mixes, etc). Sometimes it's hard to eliminate all of the allergens at the same time - for instance some of the wheat-free products still contain corn or soy, but I am trying to eliminate wheat the most, and then make sure that soy and corn are not main ingredients.

My over-all food plan is this: 1) eliminate or decrease food allergens 2) increase protein, fresh fruits and vegetables, and healthy fats 3) decrease processed foods, refined white sugars, and empty carbs 4) buy organic as much as our budget can afford and 5) increase water intake.

I've also become religious about daily taking 5htp (which is an amino acid that helps with sleep and a plethora of other fibro symptoms), calcium/magnesium supplements, and probiotics/digestive enzymes. While I know there are many supplements I have and could take (and do occasionally), I get stressed out thinking about a bunch of pills, so these are the ones I am most concerned about and feel like I can manage taking on a regular basis.

I realize that this has been lengthly and detailed and if you are still reading then kudos to you. I have written this because many of my Facebook friends have expressed concern and asked about my new dietary restrictions. I've also been in the midst of a bad flareup over the past few weeks as far as the fatigue and fibro symptoms, so I wanted to explain that that's normal for me. As I mentioned before, the past year I ran on fumes and now that Russ is home and able to help, my body is going into recuperation mode and letting itself down. I'm so incredibly exhausted most afternoon I am in tears but I am just trying to rest as much as possible.

All of this has been difficult, but relieving. It's much easier to rest without feeling guilty about just being lazy or selfish, unable to "keep up" with all of the "normal" women out there who can manage work, kids, pinterest, and housework and still seem to flourish! I am who I am, and I am coming to a point of acceptance that my "normal" will just look different from most people's.

After All

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:13:36 +0100

My husband came home from Afghanistan on New Years Eve! This deployment lasted 353 days apart total, lasting from December 29, 2010 to December 31, 2011. It was one long year!

My husband's career in the military will be ending in 2013, so we are blessed knowing that we are done with deployments - this was our final homecoming.

Back in August I came across the song "After All" - I had heard it before, but it was almost like I was hearing it for the first time. And I realized that it was our story in a song." After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts." I listened to that song on average about four times a day for the last half of the deployment - I had to listen to it each night just to fall asleep. The tears would flow and I would just imagine the day when we would be reunited again after all this time apart.

The video below shows tells the story of our homecoming in detail. It's around 10 minutes long but I hope that you will take the time to watch it.

I've also added a whole new page on the site for our homecoming video, youtube clip of the entire ceremony, and photos (smug mug album). There will be a lot of pictures to come as well as an upcoming post about reintegration. Just know that he's home safe, and we are so happy to have him home for good!

The Donaldson's Homecoming from Michaela Jacobs on Vimeo.

True Love

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 18:58:09 +0100

Today I am featuring I guest post by my friend Kayla. (You can read more about her and our friendship here.) Kayla does not have her own blog at this time but had some thoughts she wanted to share with the cyber-world so I am grateful for this opportunity to give her voice an opportunity to speak.

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, polycystic ovarian syndrome , depression, infertility, Lupus, irritable bowel syndrome, Sjogren’s Syndrome…the list can go on and on. Everyone we meet is fighting a battle. Do we really care? Or are we so wrapped up in our own world?

Bullying is at an all time high.

I remember a while ago, about a year, this woman was talking very negatively about someone I know. This person I know was having an extremely rough time in her life; and when the woman was talking about her, it really rubbed me the wrong way. I kindly asked the woman that she not say those things. She responded by saying, “This is MY freedom of speech, and I can say whatever I want whenever I want.” REALLY?! Just because we have freedom of speech does not mean we can negatively critique, criticize, and attack others! This is the epitome of selfishness. The more selfish we are, the more miserable we are. There is no real joy. And because of bullying…

Suicide rates are at an all time high.

Pain is just pain. It will come in different sorts (mental, emotional, physical). It will swallow you whole. You cannot seem to move forward. The world around you just seems to be moving on without you. Nobody is stopping to help. You are told to just get over it…to just move on. You feel your world collapsing. The pain in your eyes is so obvious. You just wish someone would look at you…REALLY look at you. You are screaming out for help. You are crying. You are just begging. You feel like you have nowhere to turn; so you turn to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, anything to help the pain go away even if it is just for a small while. You just want to be numb. You believe there is no hope.

God is love, and all true love comes from Him.

Our society has lost sight of this. We have forgotten God. We have forgotten His love. We have forgotten how to truly love others. Nothing is more powerful than God’s love.

Mark 12: 30,31 KJV

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all they strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

Ephesians 4: 32 KJV

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

I John 4: 7-11 KJV

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loves us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

“The Golden Rule”

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Remember to show

kindness,

compassion,

and

true love that only comes from God

because everyone is fighting a harder battle than you.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. This is just a compilation of my thoughts, and hopefully, they have made make some sense. PLEASE, SEEK OUT A LICENSED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL FOR ADVICE AND TREATMENT!

My Favorite Delicious Christmas Dessert–With Recipe!

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:57:08 +0100

I'm participating in some of the days in the Wives of Faith Christmas Blog Carnival. It's a lot of fun because they give us topics to write about and we get to read other people's blogs and connect and make friends, not to mention just enjoying Christmas.

This post is going to be short and sweet...literally! :)

Most people think of cranberry sauce as a standard traditional holiday dish, but it's rare to find a person who actually likes it. That's because most people go to the store and get this "stuff" that comes in a can. You slice it and watch it wiggle on your plate. Weird.

That's not cranberry sauce in our house. Our cranberry sauce is my Grandma Lining's recipe - and it's actually SAUCE! Not only is it amazing and easy, but it is a precious memory. My grandmother passed away when I was four years old, and I don't remember her much at all. But her recipe lives on and will be a part of our holiday season every year if I have any say in the matter.

Recipe is easy

1 bag of cranberries
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of water
1 apple

Boil all of the ingredients, stirring frequently, until the cranberries split and the sugar is dissolved. Run through a food mill (we use a foley food mill like the one pictured below), the texture should be about like that of homemade applesauce, and VOILA! The best cranberry sauce EVER! You have to have the apple in it because it helps counter the tartness you will normally find in cranberries.

And here is a photo of this year's cranberry sauce that we served at Thanksgiving!

The Frenzy of Fall Part 5 - These Days

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 03:48:36 +0100

Is it possible to catch you up on the last 3 months of random, everyday fun and Ezra's developmental milestones in 10 pictures or less?

It is when you know how to cheat! :)

So what's happening these days?

Ezra has made a lot of progress in his eating! He's almost completely off of baby food and onto table solids. He also likes to drink water and juice, as well as mommy-milk. His new favorite food is soup - of any kind. Which is great because I can sneak in meat and vegetables when he isn't looking! He makes a huge mess at EVERY MEAL and uses his hands a lot more often than his fork and spoon, but we have a BLAST!

Ezra has also gotten a LOT taller. He can now reach MY COUNTERTOPS! And he's learned how to climb on things! Like this:

Ezra has gotten REALLY good at making messes:

But, on the other hand, Ezra has a very sweet and helpful spirit. He loves to help mommy sweep, swiff, water the flowers, put his bath toys away, put things (any things) in the dryer, put things (any things) away in the cupboards, and load and unload the dishwasher whether the dishes are clean or dirty.

Ezra and I have a ton of fun together, just being ourselves. We play games, read books, take walks, and just be goofballs together.

As any mother to a very active, mess-making, couch climbing, into EVERYTHING toddler knows, (especially one who often waits up til midnight to talk to her husband), there are two things necessary for a mom's survival: coffee and adult socialization. So, when I found out that a Starbucks was opening on post, I was pretty thrilled. However, as any mother to a very active, mess-making, couch climbing, into EVERYTHING toddler knows, toddlers and coffeehouses don't really get along. Try trying to talk to your friend about ANYTHING when your kid is knocking coffee, CDs, and breakable mugs off the shelves! So, when I found out that this new Starbucks was right next to and practically attached to an outdoor playground, I pretty much died and went to heaven.

So, on about the second day that it was open, I decided I was going to check it out. On the spur of the moment I put a shoutout on Facebook, texted a bunch of friends, and was all like "Hey, Ezra and I are going to Starbucks! Please join us!" It was awesome, because I've never had such an amazing response to an impromptu playdate. We ended up having six moms and eight children under the age of three. Funny thing was that none of them knew each other, but they all knew me! And this is why I love modern technology and social networking. We all had an amazing time on a BEAUTIFUL 75 degree breezy day, and new friendships were made!

Another awesome place to hang out in our town is Fiddlesticks - an educational play space and mommy hangout! Another genius idea! It's not free, but for $5 you can come and stay as long as your like - let your kids play with the clean, "natural" (mostly wooden and old fashioned) toys or play in the craft and dress-up areas (for older children), while you sit in the nice "mommy corner" and chat with your friends. It's simply...amazing!

So, that's pretty much what's been happening "these days"...and wraps up this "Frenzy of Fall" blog series.

(Aside from Ezra finding yet another million reasons to be the cutest baby in the earth...)

And, in case you lost count, that was only eight "photos."

See, I told you I could do it... :)

The Frenzy of Fall Part 4 - Our Fall Photos

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:43:25 +0100

I tried super-hard to only post my favorites...but you know how I am about favorites! Gotta have at least a thousand!

So thankful for my friend Carleeh who took these photos for us! Please check out her website here:
http://www.wix.com/onlycys/carleehmulhollandphography

"ENJOY BY JAN 06 2012"

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 22:06:53 +0100

It was just a little phrase stamped across the top of the jug of apple cider that I pulled out of the fridge - but it caught my attention.

"Enjoy" - who says that? I mean usually it says "Sell by" or "Use by." But "enjoy"?

And I stopped. And took a sip from the glass I had poured. And I enjoyed it. Really truly and thoroughly enjoyed it.

But those words didn't just make me think about cider. I thought about my entire existence in the flash of about 30 seconds. I feel like I am reminded of this lesson at least once a month. I hear it in songs like "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chessney, "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker, and "Start Livin (That's the Next Thing On My List)" by Toby Keith. I'm reminded in blog posts (like the one I'm writing). And yet still I rush from one thing to the next, always looking forward to the NEXT thing. Christmas. The end of this deployment. The next baby. Ezra starting school. And so many times I just forget to simply ENJOY this life I'm living.

Earlier today (before the glass of cider), I sat in the chair in my kitchen and just watched Ezra eat. Then later on in the afternoon I sat on the couch and watched him play. I wasn't checking my phone. I didn't get up when I heard the email notification "ding" from across the room. I simply sat...and enjoyed. And I thought to myself, "Why don't I do this more?"

So I remind you, again... stop. Set down the phone and the computer. And the to do lists. And just ENJOY your life.

Because there's an expiration date. Life doesn't last forever. Your kids won't be babies for long. Your parents won't be in your life forever. Hold tight to the ones you love. And enjoy them.

And take a second and enjoy that cider too!

The Frenzy of Fall Part 3 - Kayla's Visit

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:13:01 +0100

Meet Kayla...

The story of our friendship is very unique, and honestly makes me think that God has quite a sense of humor. Kayla and I went to the same Christian school growing up. But we were five years apart, so never interacted. At all. I vaguely remember hearing her name once or twice, and her same with me. She remembers my little brother, and I remember her inlaws as her brothers-in-law were closer to my age and that of my brothers. But that's it.

Here's us in 1998 - Kayla in first grade, me in sixth:

So here we were, me upstairs in junior high and highschool, her downstairs in grade school, never even passing in the hallways...never knowing what God had in store for us. And I think that probably on more than one occasion God looked down on us smiling with teary eyes, knowing the struggles that we would have to face on our own, the growing we would have to do...before HE could work in our lives to bring our friendship to pass.

Fast forward about 10 years to Fall of 2009... Kayla was a senior in high school engaged to a national-guard soldier going through basic training. I was married to my soldier-man having just PCSed to Kentucky after our first deployment. And enter Facebook. And we had a mutual friend (we think it was Julie), and I made a comment on her status, and Kayla saw my photo and saw that we went to the same school and that I was married to a soldier. So she sent me a friend request. And, since I am in the habit of accepting friend requests from complete strangers if they happen to look remotely decent and be associated with the military, our cyber-friendship began.

We talked off an on at a very surface Facebook level, commenting on statuses and photos and normal stuff like that. Occasionally, Kayla would instant message me to chat and see how my day was. Sometimes, I was busy, and just kinda found it annoying (lol SORRY KAYLA!), but other times it was nice to have a friend to talk to. This went on for about a year, and then Russ left for Afghanistan again.

And that's when things really started to change. Kayla's daily perky "hey how are you" chats became less of an annoyance and more of a welcome part of my day. In February or March I sent her a big box of all of my "skinny clothes" that I didn't fit into anymore. Which she was ECSTATIC to receive (and it made me so happy that they went to someone who would look amazingly cute in them.)

When April came around and I took my trip up to Ohio to visit my grandparents, we arranged to meet at Starbucks. I wasn't too nervous (as I am also in the habit of meeting random people for coffee if they look to be remotely decent and be associated with the military), but Kayla was nervous.

I was sitting in my car and I saw her walk into Starbucks. Honestly, I did a double take. Cuz she was wearing MY clothes and looked JUST LIKE ME! Well, the skinny pre-baby me that is...

The next two hours flew by...no awkwardness AT ALL. It seriously felt like we had been friends our whole entire lives. Kayla was sweet and amazing to talk to. I enjoyed her company and it was obvious that she was a bit lonely and needed a friend, which I was happy to be!

Over the next few months, we kept in much better contact. We started texting and/or Facebook chatting almost every day and she really became somewhat of a battle-buddy to me. She even sent me military wife care packages - with chocolate, coffee, bath stuff, candles, and clothes for Ezra! Can you believe it? I couldn't!

Kayla contacted me sometime in late summer and asked if she could come for a visit. I responded that that would be fun. Then she asked me if she could come for 5 days. Which I was very nervous about. I wasn't sure if I would enjoy sharing my personal space with her for a whole 5 days, but I didn't want to be mean since she was so excited about it, so I said yes. (Turns out she was super nervous about it too, but her husband was encouraging to go have a good time with me and knew she needed a friend, cuz quite frankly, he is awesome like that.) So she booked her flights and started making plans.

Neither of us imagined what an amazing time we would have together. Our relationship was almost symbiotic in its beauty.

You see, as a National Guard spouse, Kayla is in a very unique situation. She deals with the daily stress of being a military wife, having to rearrange her schedule and drop everything to get her husband out the door on a mission, spending days or weeks away from her husband not knowing when he will return. But she has no commissary, no PX, no military wife functions, no PWOC, OFS, or FRG, and no military spouse friends other than her cyber-friends. All these things that I take for granted living near a military installation... Quite frankly, she gets very lonely, and understandably so. So, while she was here I was determined to give her a taste of what it's like to be a part of a strong military community and to be around a bunch of people who truly understand what her life is like.

Our schedule was extremely busy. Tuesday morning we were going to be busy practicing for prayer meeting praise team for PWOC...that is an amazing story! Nothing went as it normally does, because when we walked in to pray with our military sisters, the chapel was filled with soldiers working through a practice for a military memorial service for a fallen soldier that was going to be held later on in the week - a soldier from my husband's battalion. We ended up holding a prayer meeting for and over this memorial and the family of this fallen soldier. There were lots of tears! It was an amazing thing to experience. Practice got moved to a friends house, then we made a quick trip to the library on post for some chick flicks.

Wednesday morning was a playdate with some more military wives, and in the evening we went to the military wife Bible study I attend every week - which is another AMAZING story! This Bible study is an off-shoot of Operation Faithful Support, a non-religious pro-marriage program for spouses of deployed soldiers. (Check out the link, I promise you won't be disappointed!) But, as it's founder, Jill, is a very strong Christian, as are some of the women who attend OFS, she started a Wednesday night Bible study for us. It's been going for about 8 months but has remained small and intimate, but is growing slowly. When Kayla asked me how many people would be there, I told her, "I can promise you there won't be more than 10 people." But that night, we broke our record, and had 14!!!!!!!!!! I told her, "Ya know I should keep you around, cuz amazing things happen when you are here!"

Here's us with Jill.

Thursday morning we went to PWOC where I was blessed to not only sing and play on the praise team like normal, but also give the devotional and sing one of the songs I have written but never been able to sing for an audience. It was exciting for me and I was glad that she was there for the support as I was rather nervous.

Thursday afternoon and evening we got to talking - a lot. Especially about some of the personal struggles I shared in my devotion - which led to her sharing some of her struggles with me. It was AMAZING! We literally stayed up til almost 2am talking, laughing, crying, and healing together - we shared things with each other that we've never shared with anyone other than our husbands. I feel like I gained a sister and a best girlfriend in those few hours, as well as a fresh perspective on my life. I will never be the same and will remember that night for a very long time.

Friday morning we lazed around in pjays until a friend of mine came over to give us Mary Kay makeovers. Here's our before and after pictures:

Friday night we had an AMAZINGLY fun photoshoot thanks to my friend Carleeh. I planned it somewhat last minute - for the main reason being that my camera is STILL in the shop and I desperately wanted to get cute fall photos of Ezra. When Carleeh asked when I wanted to do the shoot I purposely planned it for when Kayla was going to be here because I thought it would be more fun that way. And it was, we had a BLAST!!!!

Here's a few shots (more to come in another post)...all photos taken by and courtesy of Carleeh Muholland photography.

Saturday morning we topped off our week by attending a military wife holiday bazaar on post, where we got to hang out with author-extraordinare, PWOC publicity chairperson, and all-around beautifully amazing energizer bunny of a woman Michelle Cuthrell.

Afterward we went to military clothing sales and the PX so she could do some shopping for her husband. Then we were off to the airport.

Back to what I said before about our relationship being symbiotic? Well, it didn't end with me just giving Kayla a taste of my military wife community. Kayla was also a HUGE HUGE help and blessing to me while she was here. She washed ALL my dishes - and by all I mean ALL. Seriously, the one time I tried to wash a pan I got scolded! And cleaned my stove, deep cleaned it. I has never been that clean in two years. And swept and swiffed my floors...twice. She even cooked me a full dinner of roast beef and mashed potatoes!

(she and Ezra made a great team)

She also helped to dress, feed, carry, lug around and strap in Ezra the entire time she was here. She even got roped into helped out with Ezra's buddy James whose mommy (our PWOC president) was busy at the moment:

Kayla has SUCH a servant's heart and was amazingly helpful. It was so nice to have a little break from the daily chores and some adult conversation in the house. It also didn't hurt that Ezra had a pretty sweet crush on her. He started blowing her kisses the first night she was here!

The five days flew by amazingly fast, and we were both sad to see our time together come to an end. We laughed about being worried and nervous that five days would be too long for us! We both feel so blessed to have spent those five days together, and have both gained a closer friendship because of it.

The Frenzy of Fall Part 2 - Little Moments

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:26:09 +0100

Since Russ went back to Afghanistan, I've really been struggling. Struggling with what? Well, just everything. I think that 90% of the time I feel utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. There's a song that has a line that says something like "You can only be strong so long before you break..." Which is true. But I think that most of the time people don't realize that I'm not even trying to be strong - I stopped trying a LONG time ago. Mostly, I'm just trying to survive.

I have chronic fatigue, frequent insomnia, a very active and curious toddler who still wakes up almost at least once a night, and a deployed husband. 12 months is a long time. 12 months on top of 12 months on top of 12 months is a VERY long time. By the time we reach our 4th anniversary (5th anniversary of being a couple), we will have spent 3 years apart, 2 years together. Honestly, there is just no way to explain what a toll that has taken on my husband and I and our emotional and mental health.

I'm not trying to be all "poor me" or complain or get attention or anything like that. It's just a fact. Our life is hard. And I'm exhausted and really don't know how much more I can handle. Each day it's a struggle to keep the tears and check and keep enough of a fight in my spirit to get through another day without the love of my life by my side where he belongs. I just miss him like heck and just want him home. I'm just over it all.

I am very thankful for some amazing friends who really KNOW what my life is like and what I am going through. I have a great support network here at Knox and through the many online friends I have met during my time as a military wife. They rally around me daily and keep me going.

I get through each week by trying to balance staying busy (to keep Ezra occupied, keep us both from going stir crazy, and make the time go by quickly) and giving myself enough opportunity to rest and relax. Most mornings we are out - we have MOPS, Protestant Women of the Chapel aka PWOC (a military wife Bible study, worship, and fellowship time on post), PWOC music team practice, La Leche League meetings, playdates, and doctors and chiropractic appointments for Mom and baby. In the afternoons we try to rest, take naps, check Facebook, and Skype with Russ; and in the evenings we do housework, watch movies, go shopping, go out to Bible study on Wednesdays, and try to have fun together in the house.

Sometimes, Ezra is the one thing that keeps me going and surviving each day. When I feel like my emotions are unraveling and my world is spinning out of control he is right there to smile or laugh (or put socks and teddy bears in the cupboards or throw away my keys) and remind me to see the beauty in the world.

It was a cold and rainy Thursday, almost noon - we had just gotten home from PWOC, Ezra had been awake since 7:30 and only slept on the way home (all of 20 minutes). All I wanted was to put him down for a nap and try to rest myself. But when we got to the door of our house, he took off and started walking away. He wanted to go PLAY!

My first thought: "Are you serious kid? It's FREEZING out here!!!

But who could resist this face?

Ezra spent the next 10 minutes getting soaked romping around the big empty backyard, playing with leaves, and having a blast, while mommy managed to get some pretty awesome pictures with her phone.

Cute Baby Cheeks!

As I was watching him run around, I kept thinking, "This is beautiful - this is life!" Setting aside the naptimes and the schedules and the worries about him getting sick, and just letting him live and enjoy life as a toddler. Watching him get excited about the little things like leaves and grass and running around in an empty backyard... It was one of those moments that was so simplistic it was breathtaking, and I will probably remember it forever.

The Frenzy of Fall Part 1 - Chicago Trip

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:55:48 +0100

Where have I been the last month? um...I'm not even really sure that I know! But, I'm going to attempt to remember enough to write this rather picture-heavy series of blog posts. I'm glad I take a lot of pictures, because without them I don't know if I would remember--it's been that crazy!

_________

Shortly after Russ left to go back to Afghanistan, Ezra and I flew to Chicago to spend 10 days with my family again. Ezra managed to get sick - again - while we were there, but we had a great time. The weather was unseasonably beautiful (which meant a trip to goodwill to get warm-weather clothes because all the clothes I packed were for cold weather!) We did a lot of Fall activities.

Kuipers Pumpkin Farm and Apple Orchard

Blackberry Farms

Aside from all of the fall fun, we mostly just hung out with my parents relaxing, shopping, watching movies, taking walks to the park, and talking. The trip was amazingly fun, relaxing, and exhausting all at the same time. It sooooo was nice to not have to be constantly watching out for Ezra and get breaks and naps. But, with Ezra being sick and my parents living in Central time, on top of some deployment drama - neither of us slept quite as well as we would at home. By the time we braved the airport security lines and planes yet again to come home, I was very much ready to be home and back into our routine. But I'm still so glad we went!

Here's some more random pictures of our trip:

"Grandma has super-cool toys!!!"

Ezra gets a super-cool haircut!

Fun at the educational toy store and the pet store!

A nice breakfast with family

And just because mommy couldn't resist the cuteness...

("Dear God, Thank you for my cheerios!")